Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
