Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
