He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
