Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
