About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
