3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
