i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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