I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
