We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
