You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
