I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
