dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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