Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
