just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
