apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this just has baby written all over it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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