Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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