I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
