I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
