awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
