oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
