If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
