yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
