I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
