he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
