i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I need moral support for this bender
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
