Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
