why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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