Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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