i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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