yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
