Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize