I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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