would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my shit smells like andre
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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