I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
