This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
