Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
