i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
