bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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