Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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