i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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