it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize