is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
