____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
