I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
