Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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