Quick, to the slutcave!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
