last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
