My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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