yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize