Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
