I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is my gift to your gina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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