toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
