How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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