Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
