apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
