I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
