I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
