He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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