i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
