Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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