i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize