Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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