It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You don't make any sense
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