If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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