It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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