He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
